Whose to blame (Your life matters to me)………… An essay by William Marshall

Most of us have been touched by suicide. If you haven’t, it will come. It is particularly confusing to us when we watch our mentors, our leaders succumb to some crazy call to end their lives. It always makes me look at myself. Look inward. Try to place blame on……. On……… I guess I have to lay blame on me. Right? I sure can’t blame the one who committed the act. Can I? Should I? No. The blame lies with me. There is something, something that I could have done. Why did we not agree to never do that without calling at least one person? How many safety briefings and memorial services do we have to attend.

I went to a psychiatrist one time in my life. My ex wife suggested that I go because I was making suicidal ideations. I was. I talked to the man. That’s a whole story in itself. We decided that I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t suicidal. I left, I had done my duty.

He called me about two hours later, on his personal cell. He asked me to make a promise with him. One I fully intend to keep, One I have kept, One I will keep. He asked me, he said, “Make this agreement with me, ok.” I said sure, but I had no idea what it was. I want you to make this agreement with me now. This important one.

If you are ever in a situation where you see no other options, none. Do this one simple thing. That Dr. made me promise that I would make my way to the nearest emergency room or medical facility before I did anything to harm myself. I promised him I would. Make that promise with me today. If you are ever, go to the emergency room. Please, promise me. Your life matters to me!

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